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 I mean, how do you picture that extended masquerade-party scene in your head without giggling to yourself? After slogging my way through all three Fifty Shades books (well, to be honest: by the third book I was skimming), I have come to the realization that I would LOVE this series if it was intended to be a farce.
ADDIE J: Mom, why does rain make things grow? GABBY: JJ, plants need rain for moisture to carry nutrients through all their parts. It also keeps the leaves and flowers soft and flexible, so they can bend and not break. JULIE: …That’s a good explanation, Gabs. GABBY: Thanks, Mom. Oh– look at that guy! Wait, never mind. I thought it was a blind man with a square cane-thing? What’s that? That walking thing that old people use to walk with? JULIE: A walker? GABBY: Right! But then I realized– it’s just a man pushing a grass-cutting thing. You know? It cuts your grass? JULIE, CAM: A lawn mower? GABBY: Right. A lawn mower. I thought it was a blind man with a walker, but it’s just a guy in sunglasses lawning his mow. CAM: Mowing his lawn, you mean? GABBY: That’s what I said. Did you see him? Mom, did you see him? JULIE: ……. I’m gonna need a minute to process, Gabs.
 email this post...Category: Cameron, Family, Gabby, Hot Mess of the Week, Random Moments, The "J" / Comments: Be the first... I spent about 15 minutes last night, painstakingly discussing Internet safety and rules for safe behavior with the kids. We talked about many different pitfalls like people who aren’t who they say they are; theft, shoddy items for sale, etc. For the millionth time we went over all the ground rules for Internet usage, the biggest one being that no one does anything online without my constant monitoring. The kids were following along like awesome students, looking at my examples online as we went, etc. We talked about our Parental Controls settings, we discussed Internet purchases, the whooooooole thing. At the end I felt satisfied with our discussion and certain of their continued responsible and safe behavior. Then, when I was done, I discovered that one of the kids– while I was frigging talking– bought a book from Amazon.  I can smell those from here. Last night, I dreamed that I was downtown, walking in front of an alley. As I walked past, the smell from the dumpsters was so bad that, in my dream, I immediately began to throw up. And then I woke up, because I was dry-heaving for real. This, my friends, is how easy it is to gross me out. email this post...Category: Culture, Family, Hot Mess of the Week, Random Moments / Comments: Be the first...
That was the opening she was looking for: the J dived for my lap and watched my face closely as she explained: she’d had to go home because her friend got in trouble. “Her dad said she was going to get spanked. ON THE BUTT,” she said emphatically. Then she sat back and waited to see what I would say. “Well,” I replied, “Some parents spank their kids. That’s not what we believe in, but that doesn’t mean that your friend’s parents are bad. They just made a different choice than we made.” Addie J smiled. “Right!!” she answered. “Instead of spanking on the butt, we just like to yell!!! Right?!? Right, Mom?? You and Dad just yell really loud when you’re really mad??” I thought for a minute about how to explain the philosophy of natural consequences to my 5-year-old daughter, and how we like it because it teaches the child to make good choices based on logic and not on fear. I considered how to explain that any yelling comes from frustration and is actually something we try not to do but even parents are human, etc. etc. etc. I thought about all these things and about trying to explain them to the J, who was still waiting for a response. In the end I took the easy road: “Yep. We just yell really loud instead,” I said. And the J, happy with her answer, bounced off my lap and ran off to play.  Remember this-- the way she drew herself, Grandma, and Papa in the sun, surrounded by smiling family? That's what my parents mean to her. Addie J is prone to nightmares when she’s unsettled, so it’s no surprise that she’s been waking with the occasional nightmare since Dad died. This week, she’s had two: in the first one, someone took her up in a helicopter, dropped a snake on her that wrapped around her so she couldn’t move, then flew over a river and dropped her in (isn’t. that. horrifying). Last night, an evil man made of paper came to her room and took her away. This child does not watch violent films or shows– I suppose if she did, there would be weapons in her nightmares too (I do see a strong influence of Jeremy Wade’s “River Monsters” show on TLC though. Maybe we’ll need to cool it on that). It’s becoming clear that Addie J’s worst fears entail being taken away, in the way her beloved Papa was taken away. It breaks my heart to wake to that panicky scream in the middle of the night, and to go to her room and have her immediately wrap her arms and legs around me and say, “Don’t go, Mommy.” She may not be able to articulate all of her feelings about Dad’s death, but her nightmares are doing a great job illustrating it for her. Fuck you, cancer. …..Is to be picked up by your mother, who for some humiliating reason is blasting old-school Prince on the radio. (This is just conjecture on my part, based on a recent experience.) GABBY: Mom!!!! JULIE: What?? GABBY [shocked tone]: You didn’t put Irish Dance National Championships on the calendar!!! JULIE: Oh. Well, I might not feel like going that day. GABBY: Yes you will. Or Daddy will. JULIE: Daddy might not either. You might have to take the bus. GABBY: Mom, I know you’re coming. JULIE: Whatever horse you want to bet on, Gabs. GABBY: ….. That doesn’t make any sense…. JULIE: [laughing] GABBY: ….. but I know you’re coming, even if you don’t want to come. Which I know you DO want to come. But even if you didn’t want to come, I know you would come. JULIE: Hardly. I don’t do anything I don’t feel like doing. GABBY: That’s not true. Remember yesterday when we went looking for tadpoles? When we found that huge tree branch that was too big for one of us to carry, so you carried it? Plus you had Addie J on your back? JULIE: Yes. I definitely remember that. GABBY: I know you didn’t want to do that. Because who would??
Wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to everyone to whom it applies– especially my own mom, who continues to be an incredible mother to children of any age. I’ll never be her equal, but I’ll keep trying. I’ll leave you with this note from Gabby. Gabs, I don’t think my life would be this good without you, either. (An aside: how could you not love her for that little tongue-sticky-smiley at the bottom??)
email this post...Category: Culture, Family, Gabby's Artwork, Mother's Day / Comments: Be the first... Today would be my sweet cousin Julie’s 17th birthday. Julie died 2 years ago, after fighting her whole life to beat the odds. Julie was born extremely premature and weighed 2 pounds, 1 ounce at birth. She had cerebral palsy and many other physical challenges… and she never let those things define her. Julie was a bright light in this world, funny and sweet, and my heart is with my aunt Bebe and my cousins Matt and Danny today. Happy birthday, Julie– we love you. Yesterday, Dave and I were looking at one of Gabby’s Irish Dance tiaras which had come apart from the wire headband. “I’ll see if I can get something to solder that back on,” he said. I thought to myself, hello! Dad has something to fix that, guaranteed! And I opened my mouth to say, “Let’s just take it to my dad and ask him to fix it.” Then, all in a rush, I remembered. E V E R Y T H I N G. So, instead of listening to a calm response from me about a seemingly run-of-the-mill topic, Dave watched me take a deep, shocked breath and start to cry. Moral of the story: at best, I’m 15 seconds away from tears these days. At BEST. I miss my Dad so much. So today, on Julie’s birthday, I’m comforting myself with the knowledge that my dad was able to give Julie a hug for all of us. And she was able to hug him back.
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Addie J came home from a friend’s house yesterday. “Did you have a good time?” I asked, and she said that she did. Then she kind of bopped around aimlessly nearby, throwing glances my way. Finally I said, “Is something wrong?”
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