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Dear All Straight Men: This morning, while I was walking around downtown, I saw several of you wandering the streets in skinny jeans. Guys, you really need to stop it. Trust. I realize that you think you look like this:
You don’t, though. Most of you look very, very weird in skinny jeans. Some of you resemble [...] Today we attended a Labor Day parade. Gabby’s chosen outfit was jeans, a pink shirt with the word “Rock” spelled out in sequins, purple fingerless gloves that I wear while running on cold days, and a black knit cap with a brim which she wore cocked to the side. Oh– and yellow glitter socks under [...]  email this post...Category: Dave, Family, Food, Gabby, Holidays, Hot Mess of the Week / Comments: Be the first... [About two days after Dave forcibly confiscated Addie J's Taggies and washed them over her strenuous objections] ADDIE J [snuggled up to some Taggies]: MMMM, Daddy! These smell good now, because they’re stinky again! [Spoiler: no. They don't.] ****************** JULIE: Oh hey, look, Dave: you know how there’s so much written on the calendar that we can never figure out [...] email this post...Category: Dave, Family, Random Moments, The "J" / Comments: 2 comments and counting I just returned home from Expectation Night at school, and Dave and I had the following conversation: DAVE: How was it? JULIE: Fine. But: what do you think is the significance of the number 42? DAVE: The number of times you fell down at Expectation Night. JULIE: DAVE: JULIE: DAVE: Oh, come ON. You know you fall down all the time. JULIE: DAVE: All the time, [...] ADDIE [walking past me, suddenly stops cold and says in tones of total surprise]: Mommy! I love you! JULIE [surprised and pleased]: Thanks, swee– ADDIE [same shocked tone]: I just remembered that!!! JULIE: Thank you, Addie J. I love you t00. [ADDIE J goes in for a giant tight hug and smooch. JULIE is eating it up and thinks [...] …..If I were to buy a box of Frosted Mini-Wheats (because some part of me secretly belongs to AARP and finds them delicious), and then I were to open them, then start grading papers and lose track of the box…. ….and if I were to then discover that my 4-year-old child– who weighed 29 pounds at [...] Dear People Who Came Up With Moshi Monsters, an Online Game Where Kids Can Create Their Own Lovable Monster and Then Spend Every Moment of Their Time Caring for This Thing to Keep it Alive: I hate you. Hugs and kisses, Julie ************************ Dear Lovely Little Vegan Cafe Where I Bought Two “Chocolate Brownie” Cupcakes Last Night: Zucchini + applesauce does [...] So the other day, I came home and Dave was looking all smirky about the face. I spent 5 minutes trying to ignore it and then was like, “For the love of god, WHAT already?!?!?!” ….And he whipped out a catalog that came in the mail for me. A little history for you: in my former [...] Ick. This is Taylor Momsen, formerly the adorable Cindy Lou Who– and now the worrisome Cindy Lou Who-Is-Looking-After-This-Poor-Girl (see how I did that?). You guys, she is only 17 years old!! Does she have no adult to tell her that this “4am Whore” look is not a good idea?? I am literally clutching my pearls over the transformation [...] email this post...Category: Culture, Gabby, Hot Mess of the Week, The "J" / Comments: 1 comment so far... I think the first day of school is a total waste. Half-day, nothing gets done, they send home a bunch of new forms for us to fill out which they could easily give out at another time…. AND there’s Walk-Through day, AND THEN there’s Expectation Night. I honestly think these events could be consolidated to some [...] email this post...Category: Birthday, Culture, Family, Food, School / Comments: 5 comments and counting |
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