The turtle

There is a saying at my office: “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” About a year ago, I distilled that into something more concise: “This is a YP.” (YP = Your Problem) Granted, that phrase actually came from my brother Jeff, but it’s a good phrase […]


    Hypothetical:

    Your cousin is marrying his Baby Momma next summer. All of the cousins in your family are very close, so you are all surprised that no female cousins are in the bridal party.  Baby Momma has chosen no less than 15 attendants, none of whom are related to the groom. Instead, she asks you […]


      Again, my husband outdoes me.

      We got each other tattoos this summer as an early anniversary gift, and our anniversary is coming up on Monday. So I thought that, as a little lagniappe gift, I would have Dave’s Swiss Army watch repaired and give it to him when we go out on Saturday. Well, they called yesterday to say […]


        Halloween costumes

        Here’s where we stand:

        Gabby loves Care Bears. So I meticulously tracked down, bid on, and won a Cheer Bear costume for her. It arrived Saturday, she took one look it, yelled, “No way!!” and ran off. I have yet to convince her to so much as touch it.

        Cameron loves dinosaurs. However, it […]


          Pick your Favorite:

          After an entire day of horror in the bathroom down the hall, we’ve decided to take the direct approach and hang a sign. Which do you like best?

          “My 2-year-old can flush the toilet. Can you?”

          “No one wants to hear from your Curried Chicken”

          “Seek Medical Assistance”

          “You know someone else is in […]


            How does that shoe taste?

            Once again, I have totally put my foot in my mouth. Some colleagues and I were talking about a really annoying client, whom I have met in person and they have not. I said, “He is the biggest loser. First of all, he told me he lives with his mother. Secondly, he’s got a […]


              How to Have a Bonfire

              1. Marry man who insists on keeping financial records from the Time Before the Moon.

              2. Convince him to destroy all records from the 2 oldest years (this will take approx 7 years of marriage).

              3. Somehow get it into your head that it will be fun to have a fire in your firepit, […]


                Ticklish.....

                Dave likes to make me breakfast in the mornings when I go to the office. He also packs me a lunch to take with me so I don’t have to figure out what I’m going to eat. But several problems have cropped up here:

                1. He packs my lettuce and tomato EACH in separate […]


                  How much Wood Trim is Enough?

                  I don’t know if Dave and I will ever truly fit into suburbia, because we continue to have that uniquely urban attitude toward our neighbors, i.e. Don’t Bother Me and We Won’t Bother You. Those of you who live in a large city know what that’s about. But we now live in the suburbs, […]


                    “Don’t laugh” revisited…..

                    We were having dinner, and Gabrielle decided she wanted to get down; however, she hadn’t eaten anything; she seemed to be trying to absorb the pizza through her skin instead as she was covered in sauce. So, she started sticking her leg off the chair, saying, “I need det DOWN….. I need det DOWN…..” […]


                      Page 175 of 177« First...102030...173174175176177