How does that shoe taste?

Once again, I have totally put my foot in my mouth. Some colleagues and I were talking about a really annoying client, whom I have met in person and they have not. I said, “He is the biggest loser. First of all, he told me he lives with his mother. Secondly, he’s got a […]

    How to Have a Bonfire

    1. Marry man who insists on keeping financial records from the Time Before the Moon.

    2. Convince him to destroy all records from the 2 oldest years (this will take approx 7 years of marriage).

    3. Somehow get it into your head that it will be fun to have a fire in your firepit, […]


      Dave likes to make me breakfast in the mornings when I go to the office. He also packs me a lunch to take with me so I don’t have to figure out what I’m going to eat. But several problems have cropped up here:

      1. He packs my lettuce and tomato EACH in separate […]

        How much Wood Trim is Enough?

        I don’t know if Dave and I will ever truly fit into suburbia, because we continue to have that uniquely urban attitude toward our neighbors, i.e. Don’t Bother Me and We Won’t Bother You. Those of you who live in a large city know what that’s about. But we now live in the suburbs, […]

          “Don’t laugh” revisited…..

          We were having dinner, and Gabrielle decided she wanted to get down; however, she hadn’t eaten anything; she seemed to be trying to absorb the pizza through her skin instead as she was covered in sauce. So, she started sticking her leg off the chair, saying, “I need det DOWN….. I need det DOWN…..” […]

            Swisher SWEETS?!?!?!?

            Remember Swisher Sweets? Those disgusting, skinny, cheap little pseudo-cigars you can buy at Walgreens?

            I was at a friend’s house yesterday; her husband’s sister had come to town for a few days and there was a large group of adults and kids in the back yard. She was playing a game of beanbag toss […]

              What's Your Worst Moviegoing Experience?

              I was reading my friend Whitney Gaskell’s blog (it’s so funny. If you haven’t read it, you must do so immediately) about how she always winds up next to some jerk at the movies. I was mentally agreeing with her when I remembered that I have, in my opinion, one of the worst movie […]

                Adjunct Faculty Dinner, or How to Best Annoy Others and Drag Out the Dinner.

                I had a work dinner last night. Here is a list of the Top Ten Annoying Things that are said and done at these events, where approximately 45 minutes of information are dragged out into a 4-hour evening. I will remind you that my freelance self works for several different entities, and I am […]

                  People I Wish I Didn't Know

                  I wish that, when I heard the following names, I was able to stare blankly at the person speaking. I resent that I have any personal knowledge of them at all. I wish that I had no idea whatsoever of the exploits and tribulations of the following people:

                  ~Kevin Federline ~Lindsay Lohan ~Paris Hilton […]

                    My college girlfriends

                    There is nothing like the friends you make in college. I am fortunate in that most of my college girlfriends live in this area, and after all this time they remain my closest and dearest friends. 5 or 6 years ago, we all lived close to one another in the city. A few of […]

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