When I was a kid and we asked Dad what he wanted for Christmas, he always told us to buy him razor blades and shaving cream. We always thought that was bullshit. “But I don’t want anything else,” he used to protest. “If I want something, I get it.” It was always frustrating to […]
[It is 6:23am.]
JULIE: I think we should get shoes for the dog.
JULIE: ….Is that the first thing I’ve said to you so far today?
JULIE: I have a burning hatred for autoplay.
GABBY [walks up behind Julie, starts crunching ice in her ear]: You should come up with a better word than “burning.” You need to improve your vocabulary, Mom.
JULIE: ….I need to improve my vocabulary??
GABBY: Yeah, you do.
JULIE: [knocks Gabby’s cup of ice out […]
This is the exact jar. It still contains salt.
GABBY: Hey Mom:
GABBY: Can I have that jar that the pink salt is in?
JULIE: What do you need it for?
GABBY: I’ll find something appropriate to put the salt in?
JULIE: ….Um, before I address that idea: what do you need […]
Yesterday, we thought our new hopefully-dreamy-and-perfect mattress was being delivered. Dave tore apart our room and put our mattress in the hallway (this is a really classy look, by the way).
Now it’s supposed to arrive today. Meanwhile, I’ve been reading about people who have bought memory foam mattresses and then say […]
Gabby’s big competition was yesterday. The one that takes the best 150 Irish dancers in 14 states (well, this year the number was around 150, if you take out the no-shows) and tries to find the best of the best. Every year, Gabby has worked hard and qualified to dance in this competition (through her performance at other […]
Actual conversation I had yesterday: DAVE: Take a look at those mattresses I pulled up online. JULIE: ….You want to get a new mattress? DAVE: What do you think about the memory foam? JULIE: Well, you know how I hate the memory foam pillows. DAVE: Right, but remember how much we liked that […]
Here are the things I am grateful for, as I sit in my kitchen on Thanksgiving morning:
That the dog no longer requires me to go outside and walk him first thing, but has figured it it’s best for us all if he just pees in the back yard. Coffee. A husband who both […]
GABBY: Hey Mom: do you ever run readiness drills in your classes?
JULIE: What do you mean?
GABBY: Well, I was thinking. Like our teachers ask us to think about what we would do in different situations.
JULIE: Oh. Not really. Why?
GABBY: Well, because like I was thinking, one of the things they […]
Last night, I was all “How did this happen?” and “What kind of person falls for this nonsense?” and “RIP USA” and all. I know how you feel. I am worried about all the things you’re worried about too.
This morning, though, I have regained my perspective. Americans have persevered through way worse than […]