Self-Censoring and Scary Elves

Sometimes I have a problem shutting up, okay? Especially if I think that what I’m about to say is funny, I have trouble keeping it to myself. Case in point: a few years ago, I mentioned in passing how I feel that grown women should never refer to themselves in the third person, and […]

    Why I’m Proud of Gabby

    This is my favorite pic from the whole weekend. (Gabby wanted to buy a custom air-brushed tshirt and have it read, “Dance Mom Dave,” by the way. She couldn’t believe it when I said that Dave probably would not wear it.)

    As I have mentioned, Gabby’s big competition was this weekend. As I […]

      Never Forget Marney

      We completed most of our Thanksgiving cooking last night. Mom came over this morning for breakfast casserole, I went for a lovely but chilly run, and now we’re just taking our time, getting ourselves together for later today. It’s a nice, relaxing way to spend a holiday and I’m grateful.

      I’m going to guess […]

        How to Make Cupcakes in Construction Lingo; or, How Dads Ruin All the Fun.

        DAVE: Hi. I just wanted to tell you I’m off to get the ingredients for those cupcakes the girls want to make.

        JULIE: Okay, have you seen the drawing?

        DAVE: ….No…?

        JULIE: Gabby and the J made a sample drawing of a typical cupcake.


        JULIE: So each cupcake will have its own unique […]

          Bullet Point Tuesday

          Jilly and her family are coming today!!!!! As I have said before: parent-teacher conferences are about 1,000 times more fun when your kids are doing great. Also great: we have a crap-ton of fun things to do this week: family gatherings, major competitions, did I mention my Jilly is coming today? I received an […]

            Thanksgiving Week

            Today, I’m thankful for the following things:

            When I told Dave that our longtime tailor mentioned to me that she isn’t altering wedding dresses anymore– but that she would do it for our girls if we asked. Dave snorted and said to me, “Have you MET Gabby? You mean, ‘Take in the elastic on […]

              And Completing the Week of Gabbyisms:

              …So then, everyone was all, ‘A dog team is not the best way to deliver the serum to Nome, Alaska!’ –And I was all, ‘I don’t know how you think goods were transported in those days, but a team of huskies was the most dependable method.’ And they were all, ‘Impossible,‘ so then I […]

                Gabby’s Review of Search for the Shadowman

                [Gabby brought home this book report today. For the record, she received a perfect score for her scathing review. Dave and I have been reading parts of it out loud and laughing our asses off all night, and Dave said, “You have to type that up and put it on your blog. Then […]

                  Guardian Angels

                  A few years ago, my brother Mikey somehow talked a smart and gorgeous blonde into marrying him. Now he’s won the lottery a second time, because their beautiful daughter was born yesterday. She came on her own time and on her own terms. She has long fingers and chubby cheeks. Most amazingly, she has […]

                    Regular Tuesday.

                    You DON’T have handmade toy medicine for your imaginary cat army in your refrigerator?

                    DAVE: What the hell is this?

                    JULIE: What?

                    DAVE [removes cup made of toilet paper roll and masking tape from refrigerator]: This. What– is there something actually IN this?

                    ADDIE: That’s our medicine, Dad.

                    GABBY: For the Cat Game*.


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