Prometheus, Eating BLTs

This is NOT how it went.

CAM: Are we having BLTs? I love BLTS!!!!

ADDIE J: I’m not having a BLT.

JULIE: Addie, is that dry toast?

ADDIE J: Right. I’m just having a B.

JULIE: …. No, you have to have more than that.

ADDIE: Okay, I’ll put some mayo on it. […]


    In Which I Complain About Various School-Year Expenditures

    True story.

    The advent of the school year always comes with a flurry of additional expenditures, and this we all know. Yet somehow, there comes a point in the relentless onslaught of school milk accounts and sports physical copays and extracurricular activity fees, where I simply reach saturation point. If someone just handed me a bill in […]


      PSA: I Have No Awesome Stuff.

      GABBY: Mom, I’m dead.

      JULIE: Thank goodness. What a load off my mind.

      GABBY: What?! Not cool, Mom. Actually, I’m totally alive.

      JULIE: Aw, MAN……

      GABBY: I’m stealthy like that. Why don’t you ever play dead?

      JULIE: Because if I did, I’d have to lie there and listen to you guys fight over who […]


        Notable Moments From the First Day of School:

        1. First of all, I would like to state for the record that yesterday’s Last Day of Summer schedule of trail walks, Jimmy John’s, swimming, waffle cones, and a new movie were judged “Different from our list, but just as fun” by the Gabster. Just saying.

        2. …But that insane child of mine left […]


          Thinking Big

          Just so that you understand what I’m working with here, this is a list brought to me by the kids, of what they would like to do on the last day before school starts:

          Go out to breakfast Go to a trampolining place* Go out to lunch Go to the movies Bowling maybe? Go […]


            Free Toast and Other Breakfast Shenanigans

            “Eat up, kids! Hope you enjoy!”

            For some reason, toast is a hot commodity around our house. It always has been so; for years the kids ate eggs and toast for breakfast every morning. I don’t really know the genesis of this phrase, but no one refers to it simply as “toast.” It […]


              Update From the Underworld: Or, Ann Keen Delivers.

              [Editor’s Note: if you haven’t read the lead-in to this story, click here.]

              At about lunchtime today, I said, “Gabby– did you put the flag up on the mailbox? …Better go see.” She returned with a letter, printed with flames and hearts. This is what it said:

              Dear Gabby,

              First, let me be the […]


                This is What I Get.

                GABBY: Mom, I’m looking for something to do.

                JULIE: Well, I’m looking for someone to finish prepping my Entertainment Marketing class, so that’s perfect.

                GABBY: ….Well, I want to do something fun though.

                JULIE: Totally understand. Maybe you and the J should come up with something to do, then.

                [later]

                GABBY: Look what I […]


                  So, I Can’t Even Pick Out Pencils.

                  A couple of things: 1. People really take the time to set up all the school supplies they bought, and then post the photos on Facebook– like it’s a really big fish they caught? And 2. Even these people know to buy the yellow pencils, so they’re still better at this than I.

                  […]


                    Jello Hair Dye and Elf on a Shelf

                    I know you do, asshole.

                    Last night, Gabby and Addie J asked me to give them red streaks with Jello. This is a popular activity around my town lately, and I’ve seen many an adorable blonde girl with Jello streaks. So, without thinking this through, I said, “If we have any Jello, then sure.” […]


                      Page 10 of 53« First...89101112...203040...Last »