Nice Try, Dave.

JULIE: Hello?

DAVE: Hi! So I’m listening to the radio, and I just heard that women who match their bra to their underwear are happier people.


DAVE: So I thought you might benefit from that information.


DAVE: Matching underwear.

JULIE: Wrong number. [click]


    Story Problem

    We all know how our online activities dictate, to an extent, the advertisements we see on the sides of our web pages, yes? –Well, I was looking up Olympic coverage this morning, and for my consideration, I was given the following ads:

    New dishwashers Cake decorating classes Luxury rehab clinics

    Now I ask you: what the hell was Dave […]

      Valentine’s Day? No Thanks.

      PSA: if you buy your sweetheart a Valentine from the drugstore, do yourself a favor and take it out of the bag when you give it. Nothing ruins the moment like a plastic Walgreens bag and a receipt with a Dulcolax coupon on the back.

      Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I’m not that invested in Valentine’s […]

        Turns Out, Literally Everything is My Fault.

        100% accurate rendition of me with braces in the 80s.

        [This is a conversation that Dave had with Cameron this morning, on the way to school– proving that the kids really do think everything that happens is because of me.]

        DAVE: Hey Cam- so I was thinking. The lacrosse season is over […]

          Short Story Wednesday: My Dad and the Swears

          I definitely heard my parents swearing while I was growing up; an under-the-breath “Damn it!!” sounds suuuuuuper familiar even now. But while Mom and Dad weren’t saints, neither were they sailors: the occasional “shit” was the most off-color their language became.

          Or so I thought.

          I was a grown-ass adult, married to Dave, when he […]

            Big News: Blue Steel is No More!!!

            Blue Steel, Dave’s hideously-colored work car, is officially out of our lives. Dave brought home its descendant today, in a non-eyeball-searing charcoal grey. Fine by me. I narrowly avoided having Lucky the Evil Leprechaun sitting in my driveway for the next millennium.


            Clearly we can no longer call the car Blue Steel (and let […]

              Working Flawlessly: Things the Mobile Site Is Not Doing

              So, the mobile site doesn’t appear to be working properly. The desktop version is fine; but if you try to pull up the mobile site, WordPress thinks you’re trying to make 7,000 comments at once or something, or something, or something else I don’t know this is Dave’s department. (I did install some […]

                Thanksgiving Weekend: a Pictorial Which Contains No Thanksgiving-Related Items

                My family and I spent the weekend in Michigan, watching Gabby compete in the Mid-America Regional Championships. Here’s a visual of how it all went down:

                This is the start of the long weekend. As you can see, everyone is alert, well-rested, and has recently eaten a Thanksgiving dinner.


                See? Here […]

                  Does Jehovah Lose Track of Addresses? An Honest Question.

                  This is the exact pamphlet Dave received. I tried to read it, but it is 1000% more boring than that cover promises.

                  DAVE [drops an envelope on Julie’s desk]: Look what I got.

                  JULIE [examining handwritten address]: Who sent you this?

                  DAVE: Did you notice the address?

                  JULIE: …Oh. It’s addressed to your mom’s […]

                    So, This Just Happened.

                    I was minding my own business at work, when I got a phone call from Dave. “Got ten minutes?” he asked. “I thought I’d drive by the new car lot and take a look at the colors. I plan to submit my order this afternoon.”

                    I looked around me: at that moment, I had nineteen […]

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