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Dear All Straight Men: This morning, while I was walking around downtown, I saw several of you wandering the streets in skinny jeans. Guys, you really need to stop it. Trust. I realize that you think you look like this:
You don’t, though. Most of you look very, very weird in skinny jeans. Some of you resemble [...] I just returned home from Expectation Night at school, and Dave and I had the following conversation: DAVE: How was it? JULIE: Fine. But: what do you think is the significance of the number 42? DAVE: The number of times you fell down at Expectation Night. JULIE: DAVE: JULIE: DAVE: Oh, come ON. You know you fall down all the time. JULIE: DAVE: All the time, [...] Dear People Who Came Up With Moshi Monsters, an Online Game Where Kids Can Create Their Own Lovable Monster and Then Spend Every Moment of Their Time Caring for This Thing to Keep it Alive: I hate you. Hugs and kisses, Julie ************************ Dear Lovely Little Vegan Cafe Where I Bought Two “Chocolate Brownie” Cupcakes Last Night: Zucchini + applesauce does [...] So the other day, I came home and Dave was looking all smirky about the face. I spent 5 minutes trying to ignore it and then was like, “For the love of god, WHAT already?!?!?!” ….And he whipped out a catalog that came in the mail for me. A little history for you: in my former [...] Ick. This is Taylor Momsen, formerly the adorable Cindy Lou Who– and now the worrisome Cindy Lou Who-Is-Looking-After-This-Poor-Girl (see how I did that?). You guys, she is only 17 years old!! Does she have no adult to tell her that this “4am Whore” look is not a good idea?? I am literally clutching my pearls over the transformation [...]  email this post...Category: Culture, Gabby, Hot Mess of the Week, The "J" / Comments: 1 comment so far... I think the first day of school is a total waste. Half-day, nothing gets done, they send home a bunch of new forms for us to fill out which they could easily give out at another time…. AND there’s Walk-Through day, AND THEN there’s Expectation Night. I honestly think these events could be consolidated to some [...] email this post...Category: Birthday, Culture, Family, Food, School / Comments: 5 comments and counting I hate “Adventure Time.” I hate everything about it. I hate the way it’s drawn, I hate its stupid theme song, I hate the subject matter, I hate the vocal performances and the color palette makes my left eyelid twitch. So naturally, it stands to reason that my girls would adore it. Addie J refers to [...] Yesterday, Gabby was asking me why she can’t have Diet Coke and M&Ms (not to be confused with Eminem, whom Gabby calls “M&Ms”) for every meal. So I was trying to be all healthful-thinking and creative about it, and I was telling her to think of her body like an engine. “When you put good [...] Don't be fooled by the "Angel" tshirt. These are the tools of Satan. ….should be renamed the Ninth Level of Hell. And lest there be any doubt: there is a limit to my girlie factor. Wanna know how many times the birthday guests requested the song “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift? Answer: only slightly fewer times than they [...] Actually, these are the exact two pets we have. I hate them both so much. Do me a favor: the next time I say something like, “Let’s get the girls some Pillow Pets. You know those fur-covered pillows shaped like animals? They’ll love those, don’t you think? It can’t be that hard to keep them Velcroed into [...] |
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