When your 13-year-old dog’s hips are failing, so she loses her balance and falls into the pile of crap she’s just produced…. and then she can’t get into the car to get to the groomer without help….. and then, because you have noticed that she is always scrabbling for purchase when she tries to get […]
*Early on Thanksgiving morning, Addie J peeled back one of my eyelids and whispered, “Can we make you pancakes?” Both of my eyes sprang open, and I heard Dave smelling the air for flames. I said, “…….No…..?” and the J whispered back, “Okay,” and tiptoed flamboyantly out of the room like it was a bit on […]
My parents are having a contest to give my dad’s tumor a name (because “myxofibrosarcoma” is A. long, and B. not fun). My useless little brother, Mikey, sent out an email to everyone in our family saying this:
I just want you all to know that you are playing for second place. I have […]
My dad has cancer. And it really pisses me off.
See, I’ve had a pretty fortunate family life. My parents have been married for over 40 years. All four of my siblings are successful adults, who married successful adults. To date, we have 12 healthy children between the five of us. No one has ever gone […]
Dave and I saw Romeo and Juliet at Chicago Shakespeare Theatre last night (awesome, by the way. I highly recommend it). On the way up the stairs I thought I saw a child with a hood that had a mane and some ears. I said, “Do I see a horse going up the stairs […]
Know what I love? …….. When I go to a production meeting and the flamboyant, super-stylish, totally awesome costume designer compliments my shoes. Especially since I didn’t even bring my A-game when dressing for this particular meeting. I am beside myself with delight. Dave wanted to know if I’m going to start dressing to impress […]
…if you went to Starbucks, two schools, one room parent meeting, and the library this afternoon– with princess stickers all over the back of your sweater, courtesy of Addie J.
Please, someone else, raise your hand.
And here we have the gift Gabby left on my pillow last night before bed: an extream shnowser makeover(side note: a schnauzer? Really?!?!?!? Last night I was all, “What…. Why…. But we don’t…. .what would make her…..Dave does this say schnauzer??”). Please note the “before” picture in the left-hand corner: his whiskers are super-long, […]
From Addie J, the source of all insane and random quotes:
Mommy, you are like a buffalo. But you’re not. But I don’t think you are handsome. Please stop eating the crickets and will you snuggle with me?
Honest to god, neither one of us was asleep or under any hallucinogenics at the time. […]
So, the Oxford English Dictionary is tired of getting pwned by the fact that 90% of English communication is consists of the same boring 7,000 or so words. Hundreds of awesome words are lost every year because so many lazy mothers can’t be bothered to learn them, much less use them. [N.B. I use the term […]