Door #1? Or Door #2?

[from the back door]

GABBY: Moooom!!!!  I need you to come and open the door for me!  I’m all full of dirt and mud and sidewalk chalk, and some blood (but don’t worry, it isn’t mine, it’s Grace’s)– so I don’t want to get the door dirty!!!!!!  And also I stepped in something and […]

    Gabby the Art Critic

    Gabby was perusing an art book that we have.  I passed by and said, “What are you looking at?  Can I show you something from here that you’ll love?”  I was thinking of Dali’s The Burning Giraffe, which makes my brain momentarily short out every time I look at it.  (It’s just so…. wrong.  […]

      Kids Are So Freaking Gross.

      This morning, Cam accompanied me to a lecture I did for a nearby high school district about careers in the arts.  He also sneezed on my untasted chai on the way into the school. 

      Gabby is sitting at the kitchen table as we speak, eating a yellow pepper by biting into it like an apple.  […]

        Easter Madness

        I feel like my fabulous gay friend Larry might have posed for this Easter Bunny drawing.

        Every year, the kids set a trap for the Easter Bunny.  This year I thought it wasn’t going to happen– but right before they went to sleep, the kids spilled the beans.  They were planning to stay […]

          Freaking Earth Day.

          Okay, I am literally hiding in my room to type this on my iPhone– hiding from Gabby the Earth Day Nazi.  She has been patrolling the house all day armed with extra-large index cards and a pen, writing mandates and leaving them pointedly in front in electronic items I might be considering using.  On […]

            On My “This is Not Enjoyable” List….

            … Bringing home Cameron’s friend Jon from the Cubs game, and explaining to his mom that the reason he massively threw up in a Ziploc bag in the car during the ride home was this: my brother Mikey and his friend Andy (who will both get what’s coming to them) instigated a bunch of “eating contests” […]

              Let Me Save You About $50 (Depending How Much You Like Your Movie Snacks)

              This tag line is only technically accurate. In the way that sugar-free, gluten-free, vegan lollipops are technically candy.

              You know how your kids want to see the movie Hop?  So you were probably going to take them some time this weekend or next week?  Well, to borrow a phrase from my sister Jill, […]

                Advance Notice: It’s All Relative

                I couldn't even find a grey, long-sleeved, musical notes tshirt on the Internet. This stupid shirt is as close as I could come.

                We were headed to a birthday party this morning when Gabby said, “Hey, Mom?  I need to wear my outfit tomorrow for the school play.  They told us on Friday.”  […]

                  The Friday Edition: in Which Retail Tries to Convince Me That I Am Blind And Stupid.

                  JULIE: Hi, I’d like to return this, please.

                  SALESLADY: May I have your name?  And your email address?

                  JULIE: Sure.  Let me spell that out for you.

                  SALESLADY[clicking keys]: ….Thank you.  I see that you are part of our online system?

                  JULIE: I don’t know what that is.

                  SALESLADY: When we have returns without a receipt, […]

                    Thursday Edition: In Which Gabby Takes My Ego Down to Size

                    This morning at breakfast, Addie wanted to have a Breakfast Time Dance Party (this means we blast music and rock out while we eat).  So the J was shaking her booty around the kitchen, yelling, “Tik TOK!!  Onna CLOCK!!!!  But the party DON’T STOP!!!!” and I joined in from where I stood at the […]

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