Dear Italy:
Please keep her.
Love,
The United States of America
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Dear Italy: Please keep her. Love, The United States of America I know, I’ve been gone all weekend and I didn’t post that I was leaving. I realize it’s blogger etiquette to tell the readers when I won’t be posting for a few days, and I am very sorry I did. Here, as a reward for patiently waiting for me to return, is a random […] Addie J really loves Rapunzel since the movie Tangled came out. (And she slept in our bed last night, after having nightmares about the white cockatoo in the movie Rio. Seriously: she was crying and afraid of a cockatoo.) So this morning at breakfast– feeling well-rested and refreshed after a night of kicking me […] …that boys are something like 85% more likely than girls to tell violent stories. Tonight, Cam’s homework includes making up sentences for the following words: griddle injury landlord pleasing Cameron’s sentences have been as follows: I hit that guy on the head with a griddle. I have a giant bloody injury called a road […] So, the J graduated from preschool this morning and I know how you feel– I’m kind of surprised as well. I “fondly” remember last year around this time, when one of her teachers suggested that I have her tested– because she was either developmentally delayed or stubborn as hell. (True story.) The diagnosis turned out to be Stubborn As […] This is how Gabby tries to subtlely let me know that she’s eaten a good, healthy dinner and I should consider giving her a treat later. A few weeks ago, I painstakingly drew musical notes all over a t-shirt for Gabby to wear to her musical. Remember that? Well, here’s an update for you: 1. You will recall that I dropped everything and made the shirt because, according to Gabby, she had to wear it to school the next day. Upon […] My kids have a long history of not wearing enough clothing. Apparently I’ve done a bang-up job teaching them to love their bodies and a less spectacular job teaching them that we live in a society where people can’t walk around naked all the time. Cam used to strip naked as soon as he […]
Imagine if I made our whole family wear these. This is called the "Family Matching Easter Bunny Pajama Set." I'm picturing Dave in these, and laughing my ass off. …I’d be lying in a bloody pile in the kitchen right now. I would not allow Gabby to go to school in Cameron’s […] Evidently, Kerry Campbell never injected her kid with anything. She was paid by a tabloid to pretend she did. Okay, I see. So she didn’t inject her child with Botox. Instead, she agreed to go on television and pimp out her child for a check. She also coached her daughter to lie and pose […] |
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