How to Look Like Suuuuuuch an American Jackass

Dear Italy:

Please keep her.

Love,

The United States of America


    Happy Memorial Day!

    I know, I’ve been gone all weekend and I didn’t post that I was leaving. I realize it’s blogger etiquette to tell the readers when I won’t be posting for a few days, and I am very sorry I did. Here, as a reward for patiently waiting for me to return, is a random […]


      Rapunzel Sings Ozzy?

      Addie J really loves Rapunzel since the movie Tangled came out. (And she slept in our bed last night, after having nightmares about the white cockatoo in the movie Rio. Seriously: she was crying and afraid of a cockatoo.) So this morning at breakfast– feeling well-rested and refreshed after a night of kicking me […]


        So I Just Read…

        …that boys are something like 85% more likely than girls to tell violent stories. Tonight, Cam’s homework includes making up sentences for the following words:

        griddle

        injury

        landlord

        pleasing

        Cameron’s sentences have been as follows:

        I hit that guy on the head with a griddle.

        I have a giant bloody injury called a road […]


          Still My Little One

          So, the J graduated from preschool this morning and I know how you feel– I’m kind of surprised as well. I “fondly” remember last year around this time, when one of her teachers suggested that I have her tested– because she was either developmentally delayed or stubborn as hell. (True story.) The diagnosis turned out to be Stubborn As […]


            A Lot of Effort.

            This is how Gabby tries to subtlely let me know that she’s eaten a good, healthy dinner and I should consider giving her a treat later.


              Remember the Musical Notes T-Shirt?

              A few weeks ago, I painstakingly drew musical notes all over a t-shirt for Gabby to wear to her musical. Remember that? Well, here’s an update for you:

              1. You will recall that I dropped everything and made the shirt because, according to Gabby, she had to wear it to school the next day. Upon […]


                Clothing Optional, I Guess. Still.

                My kids have a long history of not wearing enough clothing. Apparently I’ve done a bang-up job teaching them to love their bodies and a less spectacular job teaching them that we live in a society where people can’t walk around naked all the time. Cam used to strip naked as soon as he […]


                  If Looks Could Kill…

                   

                  Imagine if I made our whole family wear these. This is called the "Family Matching Easter Bunny Pajama Set." I'm picturing Dave in these, and laughing my ass off.

                  …I’d be lying in a bloody pile in the kitchen right now.

                  I would not allow Gabby to go to school in Cameron’s […]


                    So Now, This Botox Mom Thing is a Hoax.

                    Evidently, Kerry Campbell never injected her kid with anything. She was paid by a tabloid to pretend she did.

                    Okay, I see. So she didn’t inject her child with Botox. Instead, she agreed to go on television and pimp out her child for a check. She also coached her daughter to lie and pose […]


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