Do You Hear That?

That faint, high sound you hear is not the wind, and it is not a jet passing high overhead. That sound is me, wailing hysterically, because Addie J just did the same thing to my ring fingernail that I did to my thumb this morning. She was trying to antagonize and oppose me while […]


    I Wrecked Myself This Morning.

    Before 8:00 rolled around this morning, I had jammed my left thumb and bent back the nail about 2/3 of the way down. There is now a gigantic blood blister under the nail and the whole tip of the thumb is swollen and numb. My whole hand is buzzing, like a swarm of bees have been stinging […]


      Would It Be Terrible of Me…

      …. if I, having already done my hour of pain and torture Insanity workout for the day, am sitting comfortably at the computer eating dark chocolate M&Ms, in full view of Dave who is currently completing his hour of pain and torture Insanity workout?

      Cuz if it is, then I am definitely not doing […]


        Setting the Scene

        We’ve just returned from the library and Jimmy John’s (where Gabby first spilled her lettuce everywhere, then spit all over me while vehemently denying it). Here’s what’s currently happening:

        Gabby is sitting in the family room with her right arm in a sling for some reason. She is staring into space and doing mysteriously […]


          Good Morning!

          For some reason, Addie J thinks that her tooth-brushing routine isn’t complete until she breathes in my face, so that I might smell her minty-freshness or lack thereof. I eagerly look forward to the day she’s no longer breathing her indescribably gross combination of toothpaste with cereal and milk directly into my nasal cavity.


            Sunday Morning Conversation

            [On the way home from church, by way of Starbucks. A Jason Derulo song comes on the radio.]

            JULIE: I love how he brands his songs with his name. Usher does that too. I think I’m going to start doing that with my conversations.

            DAVE: Yeah? How so?

            JULIE: Well, like, you know how […]


              Poker Face Lessons by Addie J

              Does your poker face need some practice? Come on over. For a nominal fee, Addie J will stare you square in the eye while performing a series of deadly serious, interpretive dances to songs like “Blow” by Kesha and “Enter Sandman” by Metallica.

              If you waver for one second, she will know. I speak from experience.


                The Best Thing About the Last Harry Potter Movie…

                … was sitting in an audience that broke into sp0ntaneous applause during a pivotal moment of the film.

                The next best thing was my 5-year-old baby– still and always my baby– sleeping in my arms during the last 30 minutes.

                Then, after that, comes dark chocolate M&Ms.


                  File Under “Things That Will Always Be Funny To Me:”

                  Dave, driving past a pair of police officers on the side of the road who are standing next to a single police motorcycle, and saying, “You think they’re arguing over who has to climb on the back and ride bitch back to the station?”

                  FYI: just typing that out made me laugh again. And no, I […]


                    Odd.

                    The J just walked up to me with, if you know this reference and I think you do, a prosthetic forehead on her real head. It was made of purple Silly Putty. Very seriously she said to me, “Mom, can you please sign my forehead?”

                    JULIE: …What?

                    ADDIE J [again, very seriously]: Will you […]


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