I Deserve Some Kind of Award for This Performance.

Those of you who know me personally will appreciate my state of mind right now. I just gave the following speech after performing a related service. I did so calmly and matter-of-factly, and my audience is thus totally calm and matter-of-fact:

Ticks are like mosquitoes- they can’t hurt you, they’re just kinda gross. They […]


    In Which My Pride Receives a Stinging Blow

    The girls and I went for a walk when I returned from teaching class today. We turned on the Zombies, Run! app and got through a couple more missions, running when zombies appeared. At length we were walking down the sidewalk on our own street, where the neighborhood kids could be seen playing some […]


      Here’s Why the Kids Are Plotting My Demise:

      So I made them clean up the first floor of our house while I took a shower this morning. That’s right: they were cleaning up ON SPRING BREAK. And each kid came upstairs at various points to ask me random, pointless, I’m-just-avoiding-cleaning-up questions, all of which I rebuffed. Then I came downstairs, saw them […]


        What’s Up With the Universe??

        My two older children have been obsessed with the idea of pranking each other over spring break. Finally this morning, when they started planning an elaborate breakfast for a still-sleeping Addie J with all kinds of unpleasantness hidden within, I said, “You know– a fun prank is when everyone laughs, including the person you […]


          Want to See Something Awesome?

          This is my old friend Todd VonBastiaans. Todd is a larger-than-life, fabulous artist who makes the world more colorful (and who lives in Vegas which is really the perfect storm). I met Todd in college, he was in my wedding, and even though I don’t get to see him like EVER these days, I still adore him.

          […]


            Happy Easter!!

            Overall, we had a lovely day. But my God, without my dad, there is a hole in everything. I just will never get over this in my lifetime.

            In other news: please don’t tell my trainer how much candy and how many Slutty Brownies I ate today. What, you ask, are Slutty Brownies? Well: […]


              Maybe We Shouldn’t Have Played “Zombies, Run!!” This Afternoon.

              ADDIE J [sashaying out the door in a black feather boa]: Mom, I’m the Queen of the Undead.

              JULIE:

              ADDIE J [to the other kids playing outside]: You can’t stop me, I’m the Queen of the Undead!!!!!

              OTHER KIDS:

              ADDIE J: That’s RIGHT.

               


                Seriously?

                “Guys, we’re headed to Grandma’s house to dye Easter eggs!” I called. “I need everyone to get dressed in something they don’t mind getting stained.”

                Addie J came to me, wearing the summer sundress she had put on when she got up at like 6am. It’s an ugly dress, too: pink with tiers of […]


                  How Annoyed Would YOU Be?

                  This was totally me while Dave was wandering around the house, trying to stop the toilet from running.

                  At about 4am I woke up because I could hear water running intermittently. I lay there for a few minutes before realizing that the toilet in the kids’ bathroom was refilling just a little bit, […]


                    Gabby is Going to Rule the World. Or at Least, One Season of It.

                    Addie J and Gabby were playing some sort of game where each had to have a new name. Addie J wanted to be The Winter Girl and Gabby wanted to be Winter Something too. I said, “How about Winter Princess?” and Gabby replied with great derision, “I’d rather be the Winter QUEEN.”

                     

                     


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