Have We Learned Nothing From Bic Pens?

I can't wait to hold up the drive-through line at the bank in this, while I hunt in my pink purse for my pink Bic for Her pen to sign the check my husband wrote for me.

Remember when Bic rolled out its special pen for the ladies? Some (undoubtedly male) executives figured […]


    Stephen Colbert is My Hero.

    I have a fondness for Donald Trump, in spite of myself. A friend of mine works alongside him in a particularly important role in one of his ventures (doesn’t that sound mysterious and important??), and because of this connection, Trump offered his condolences upon my father’s death and sent an autographed copy of his […]


      Oh, Pickup Line Buffoonery: I Love You So.

      The kids and I drove down the street toward the school. There was a Caddy in front of me, about 2 car-lengths ahead. Suddenly, a van pulled into the street after the Caddy, seemingly aimed right for my driver’s side door. I hit my brakes and my horn, and swerved around it as stopping was not […]


        The Smartest Person in the Room

        Now I ask you: which of these two people looks like the smartest person in the room? 🙂

        DAVE [returning from the garage, where he had been calling cellular companies about adding a line to our plan]: Man, that’s annoying.

        JULIE: What?

        DAVE: I hate it when people prove to me, over and […]


          Solids

          ADDIE J: Gabby, I’m gonna do you a solid!

          GABBY:

          ADDIE J: Ready? Ready for me to do you a solid?

          GABBY:

          ADDIE J: Cuz if you don’t like my solid, you don’t have to take it!

          GABBY:

          JULIE: Gabbyplease answeryoursisterImeanreally.

          GABBY: What is it?

          ADDIE J: It’s MY COLD BAKED POTATO!!!!!!!

          GABBY: That’s […]


            Shout Out to Lane Goodwin

            I don’t know if I have mentioned that sarcoma, the rare and aggressive cancer that my dad fought, is more prevalent in children? While only 1% of adults with cancer have a form of sarcoma, fully 15% of childhood cancers are sarcomas. My dad’s specific sarcoma was in the connective tissue- myxofibrosarcoma– while this […]


              Last Night, We Watched Madagascar 3.

              And I’m asking this because I am genuinely perplexed: did they INTEND for all the accents in this movie to be really, really bad? Was that supposed to be part of the joke? (PS- Remember how I said that I only ever get to see kids’ movies?…. Well: Exhibit A.)


                Julie Vs. Wildlife: Yes, More of This.

                There is an injured bird somewhere outside my house, or on my house, or under the floorboards for all I know– chirping for its life. It’s like Chinese Water Torture, and the ingenuity of it is that I never know when to expect the next little peep. Five seconds…. CHIRP. Two seconds… CHIRP. Fifteen […]


                  October 16, 2012: The Date When I Yell at a Public Urinator.

                  There I was, innocently walking into my building at 7:58am– when I saw him. At first I thought this gentleman was just taking a really close look at the window displays- but then I saw it.

                  The puddle growing between his feet.

                  This guy was taking a piss. On a window. In the middle […]


                    Things That Make My Day.

                    Remember the movie Megamind, where Will Ferrell as the evil mastermind cannot pronounce everyday words like “school?” He also doesn’t know how to answer his phone. Check it, at about 10 seconds in:

                    Somehow, answering the phone with, “Ollo!!” has become what we do in our house. I can’t explain or defend it… […]


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