……between fingerprints on glass doors which were made by toddlers, and those which were made by children?
–One kind I find totally adorable, on the morning after our holiday brunch. And the other kind fills me with unreasonable hatefire.
AND I LOVE ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE HERE, SO MUCH. YET I CANNOT CONTROL MY HATRED OF SMEARY GLASS. THE […]
[Side note: when I first typed that title, autocorrect tried to change “pouting” to “poutine.” First of all, I’m not Canadian and therefore don’t eat poutine, so what the hell, autocorrect? Secondly, one time some guy, whose name I have since forgotten, spent about twenty minutes expounding to a group about his vast multicultural […]
So, in this week leading up to Christmas, I submit that we’re ALL busy. We all have things to do, and maybe you were up last night studying for finals, or grading papers, or wrapping gifts, or coughing in your sleep. Once again I suggest that none of these things makes you special […]
….if you’re one of those people wandering around with a satisfied look on your face, smugly asking other people if they’re finished shopping and wrapping for the holidays– and then reporting just how long ago you finished yours:
no one likes you.
I’m just letting you know.
The J and I are participating in a fun run in the morning. I was originally signed up just with my friend Georgee. Then she signed up her husband and son, and– since the J is always asking me when she and I can do a special run together (since Gabby and I have […]
I walked into my bathroom last night to see Gabby, brushing her hair and grumbling to herself. “What’s the problem?” I asked. Gabby said, “Well, I didn’t want to say anything to anyone else– but the Art Show is next week, and my submission is due tomorrow.”
“Okay…” I began.
“So I drew a realistic […]
Once again, my Facebook feed is crammed with pix of people moving a weirdo stuffed elf around their house. And once again I will congratulate myself for never doing this. The elf is more than a little creepy, but I can handle a little creepiness if there’s a payoff (spoiler: there isn’t). However, the […]
This has not happened yet this year.
Number of days we have had a Christmas tree in the house: 1.
Number of times the tree has fallen down to date: 0.
This, as you might recall from past years, is just an enormous victory. Stay close for further updates!!
JULIE: Ow, look at my hand from the gym.
DAVE: What did you do?
JULIE: I don’t know, I think it’s like a burst blood vessel or something. How am I doing this to myself?
DAVE [loftily]: How would I know? I’ve never had a problem. [Holding out hands] See? I have perfect weightlifting technique.
Earlier this week, it was almost dinnertime, I was just finishing making soup, and I turned around and Dave had left the house. I said, “Where’s Dad?” and Gabby replied, “He went to the grocery store.” I said, “Really? For milk or something? Did he tell me?”
“Milk, but also some stuff for dinner […]