Actual conversation I had yesterday:
DAVE: Take a look at those mattresses I pulled up online.
JULIE: ….You want to get a new mattress?
DAVE: What do you think about the memory foam?
JULIE: Well, you know how I hate the memory foam pillows.
DAVE: Right, but remember how much we liked that memory foam mattress topper at the cabin in Michigan?
JULIE: Didn’t we hate it the following year though, like it wasn’t comfortable anymore?
DAVE: I think so, yes. Here, you can customize your side. I did yours for you. You should do it yourself, though.
JULIE [reading]: “Because you have a lower BMI..” that’s fine… “Because you have broader shoulders and hips?”
DAVE: Well, I chose the Hourglass figure for you.
DAVE: That’s why I said you should do it!!! Look at your options!!!!
JULIE: ……oh. Fine. Hourglass. But I don’t like that term.
DAVE [with great weariness]: I know.
JULIE [still reading]: Oh my gosh, this shows up in a mini-fridge box?
DAVE: It pops open and then it takes about 4 hours to decompress.
JULIE: ….I don’t think I want to sleep on a mattress that can be stuffed into a mini-fridge box.
DAVE: That’s just how the hybrid mattresses are packed to ship. This is exactly how they arrive in a mattress store, and then the store opens them up and they take their shape. If we get an innerspring mattress, they’ll deliver it like always but I thought we might try a hybrid.
JULIE: This says it takes some time to get used to.
DAVE: Oh my God, you’ll pass out in thirty seconds like always.
JULIE: But what if I don’t? What if I don’t like it?
DAVE: We can return it within 100 days and get a regular innerspring mattress. I already picked one out for you to look at.
JULIE: Would we have to stuff it back into the mini-fridge box?
DAVE: No, that is obviously impossible. Someone would pick it up.
JULIE: This feels like the purchase of a grad school student. Look at this picture of these two hipsters, unpacking the box.
DAVE: IT IS NOT A CHEAP MATTRESS IT JUST COMES IN A BOX.
JULIE: I don’t know, man.
The moral of the story is that the mattress will be here in a couple of weeks. In a mini fridge box. My skepticism level is high, but I’ll keep you posted.