An observation and a challenge…

Somehow, I was the only person in the fitting room yesterday evening, who had a self-appointed guard in front of her dressing room door. Given that this “guard” was a 5-year-old girl wearing an atrocious combination of blue-and-grey cheetah tights, a lavender plaid skirt, dark blue shirt AND a hot pink Hannah Montana sleep mask worn as a headband– all of which she wore to school yesterday, because my husband actually approved that outfit in my absence– you are probably laughing to yourself and thinking, “Oh, Gabby.”

That’s right, it was Gabby. Gabby the Guard, who marched solemnly around my tiny little cubicle while I tried to reach around her to get to my pants. Gabby the Guard, who accidentally yanked the door open before I actually got to my pants, then told me consolingly that “probably just that lady” saw me in my underwear. Gabby the Guard, who marched back down the aisle of the fitting rooms, announcing, “DADDY! MOM SAYS THE FIRST ONE IS TOO TIGHT IN THE BUTT, AND THE SECOND ONE IS TOO BIG IN THE CROTCH!!!!”

Yeah. I was the only person in the fitting room who had this guard with her.

And now, for my challenge: a few days ago, my colleague, Nathan Tomlinson, gave me a bag of Blair’s Death Rain Habanero kettle chips. Now, I am known for my uncanny ability to handle spicy food– I once amazed a waiter in a Chinese restaurant by eating some dried hot peppers that he had never seen anyone eat before. And so, when Nathan said, “These are unbelievably hot,” I thought, “Whatever,” and tried to take down the whole bag at once. I honestly thought that the lining of my mouth had burned away, and I. I defy anyone to eat a bag of these chips in my presence, and do any better than me. In fact, if any of you know my brother Mikey, you might put him on notice: I have a whole bag of chips here, that I’m saving for next weekend. Get ready, Mike. You’re so screwed, and I’m bringing my camera.


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