Merry Christmas!!

We had a wonderful holiday– we spent it with our family, everyone was showered with gifts and holiday love, and as far as I can tell, we have receipts for everything that needs to be returned. However, as usual, it didn’t really go off without a hitch:

On Christmas Eve, my mom stopped by in the morning, and she asked the Question Which Should Never Be Asked On Christmas Eve: “So, kids: what is the one present you really want to see under the tree in the morning?” Now, I ask you: is that really a good question to ask when Santa is already loading up the sleigh? Gabby’s first item of choice, as I then unfortunately had to explain to her, wasn’t something that Santa generally brings to little girls her age. This was extremely upsetting and caused some histrionics, as you can imagine, but Gabby did name something else she would like to see under the tree. I bet Santa had to go to a lot of different workshops to find a Puppy Grows & Knows still on the shelf, but he must have found one, because Gabby got her wish on Christmas morning. Once again, thanks for asking that question, Mom…

That evening, Addison (dressed in her spotless off-white outfit, of course) fell and hit her head on the coffee table, meaning a trip over the river and through the woods, to the Emergency Room to get it stapled closed. She rallied like a champ, though– returning to the party at about 8:30 with a huge grin and a, “Hi!!!!!!!!!” …..but I am SO not excited about the upcoming staple-removing trip. Anyone got any tips for me, for surviving that?

The kids must have been very good this year, because they sure did make a haul on Christmas morning. In addition to all their toys and a ton of chocolate (by the way: Santa, what were you thinking? Next year, how about some apples or something. It’s like Halloween all over again and Addison has officially fallen off the Sugarholics wagon), Santa also brought the kids some Jelly Bellies called “Bamboozled” or similar. The idea here is that each color of Jelly Belly in the box is one of two flavors: something innocuous, or something horrific– and the only way to find out which is which is to eat them. For example, the green one might be Pear or it might be Booger. (Seriously.) Dave and I thought we’d try one ourselves, a clearly stupid idea because 1. I don’t even like regular jelly beans, and 2. we chose to try the black ones, which were either licorice (again, I don’t even like licorice. Where. Was. My. HEAD) or Skunk Spray. As we put them into our mouths, Dave said, “You know, I bet it’s a joke. I bet none of them are the gross flavors. I bet they’re all ohmyGodthisisSkunkflavorspititOUT!!!” I was way ahead of him, dry heaving over the sink. Seriously, imagine how gross it would be to eat a Skunk-flavored jelly bean— and then quadruple your estimate. So disgusting that reliving it is making me kind of sick right now. Addison couldn’t resist them either– although, judging by the number of partially chewed Jelly Bellies we’ve found all over the house, she didn’t like the gross ones any more than we did.

We wrapped up our Christmas by playing a game of Scene It? Seinfeld Edition with my entire family, which my worthless younger brother Mikey won. That cocky brat immediately lorded it over the rest of us by thanking us for “showing up.” Now that I think about it, Mike is totally getting Bamboozled jelly beans in his Easter basket this year.

I hope your holiday was as great as ours was. I hope you got everything you wanted and a surprise or two as well. And I hope you did NOT eat any Skunk-flavored jelly beans or have your head stapled together…… you should probably save some fun for New Year’s Eve.

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