Tobin, My Mortal Enemy

Please note the crazy eyes and the jagged, jagged teeth. This is how the J sees me.

Our friend Tobin loves to give gifts to the kids.  Hilariously terrible, noisy, lightup toys that kids will love and parents will hate: lighted necklaces and remote control cars and vibrating soap (no, really) and just random stuff that he sees at a trade show or something and says to himself, “This would be cool to give to someone else’s kids….”  As you can imagine, this (in addition to his overall awesomeness, but I digress) has endeared him to my kids for all time.  And I always tell Tob to choose wisely, because payback is coming.  Now that he and his wife Charlotte are moving into family mode, you would think that he would be more careful, right? 

So the other day, we got a tracking number in the mail along with a note from Tobin: “Don’t hate me.”  I instantly hated him a little.  The box came a couple of days ago, but we didn’t open it until this evening, when Cam’s friend Louden was over.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you the list of items:

1. giant nylon bag that JJ has been wearing as a hat

2. Ziploc bag filled with office supplies.  Post-Its are everywhere and I can’t find the light green Sharpie.

3. Various M&M paraphernalia, like gift bags and M&M guys.  I’m cool with this.

4. And the piece du resistance: 2 M&M planes which, when you pour M&M’s into the top and spin the propeller, dispense M&M’s out the bottom. 

(Also some Tic Tacs and gum, but we immediately confiscated those for adult use.)

All 4 kids have been using random office supplies, eating M&M’s and fighting over the planes for the past 30 minutes.  And I have to hand it to Tobin: he followed all of my rules: nothing in this box makes noise, lights up, or is bigger than a breadbox.  Tobin is a clever, clever man, and he outwitted me this time.  When I told the J (to whom the M&M planes might as well be crack pipes) that she couldn’t have any more M&M’s, she sat down and drew a picture.  Then she came over and handed it to me: “Here you go, Mommy,” she cooed sweetly.  “Dis is a picture of you and you mad face!!!  Do you see it?  Do you see you mad face??”

I see it, Addie J.  I totally see it. 

Tobin, all of these toys have been going into a giant box in my basement labeled “revenge.”