How many washings does it take...

… remove approximately 1 cup of Vaseline from the hair of a 15-month-old girl? Answer:

1. (10) minutes of wiping with paper towels

2. (2) regular shampoos

3. (1) healthy portion of cornstarch, rubbed in

4. (3) washes with Dawn dish detergent

5. (1) wash with regular shampoo

6. (1) wash with baby shampoo

[N.B. If not for the new Berkots, I would have had to spend about 45 minutes holding a greased-up, angry toddler at arm’s length while my husband went out for supplies. So thank you, Berkots!!!]

Now she’s toddling around in soft new jammies, with hair so clean and fluffy that she looks like a baby chick. It’s waving in the wind, as she watches me follow her Trail of Slime through the house. It would seem she opened the kitchen pantry, found the Vaseline jar, and immediately opened it. She appears to have spent a few moments rearranging the refrigerator magnets. She took a little time to wipe some Vaseline on the chair in the office, then spent considerable time playing at the kids’ art table. Looks like she may have fallen down by the dining room table at some point, but she eventually came into the family room, played at the table for a bit, and then sat down to play next to her siblings. When I saw her, I shrieked, “Addison!!” and she froze, one hand elbow-deep in the jar. When I took away the jar, she retained a fistful of jelly, which she immediately slapped, babbling cheerfully, onto the side of my face.

Imagine a Vaseline jar, 3/4 full. Now imagine wiping most of that jar onto an 18-pound squirrel. Finally, let that squirrel loose in your house for about 15 minutes and see what transpires. That’s a pretty accurate description of what happened in my house today.

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