Three Sides to Every Story

4:45AM, from my point of view:

[sleeping]

[sleeping]

[some sort of noise downstairs]

[hear odd little chirp; notice Dave isn’t in bed]

[basement door opening and closing]

[sound of dog’s paws, running around]

[some sort of activity downstairs]

[toilet flushing]

[odd little chirp]

[toilet flushing]

[toilet flushing]

[more activity]

At this point I wandered downstairs to see what was up. I encountered Dave, looking really irritated. “It’s fine; go back to bed,” he said. “One of the smoke alarms has a low battery. It scared Abita, so she [expletive deleted] and [another one] all over the house.”

4:45AM, from Dave’s point of view:

[sleeping]

[low-battery smoke alarm chirp]

[sound of dog running up the stairs]

[recollection that dog is not allowed upstairs]

[get up; find dog in upstairs hallway, looking concerned]

[smoke alarm chirps; dog goes nuts]

[bring dog downstairs, let her out into rainy morning and get out towel used for wiping muddy paws]

[find 4 piles of dog crap and some… puddles, or are they shadows? Lay towel over one and step on it. Get dog pee all over foot.]

[smoke alarm chirp continues intermittently]

[clean up all puddles. Let dog back in]

[dog has super-muddy paws and the muddy-paw towel is soaked in pee]

[smoke alarm chirps and dog goes nuts. Bring dog into basement and put her into crate. Chase her around basement before she will get into crate, because smoke alarm keeps chirping and freaking her out.]

[Clean up muddy paw tracks and puddles]

[Begin flushing dog crap down the toilet]

[Where the hell is Julie why doesn’t this kind of thing wake her up]

[dog crap stops up toilet. Plunge dog crap. Continue flushing]

[Change battery in smoke alarm. Put stepladder away in basement. Come up the stairs to sleepy wife with Bitchface, asking what all the noise is about. Narrowly avoid killing her.]

[Go back to bed. Can’t sleep.]

4:45AM, from Abita’s point of view:

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!?!?!!! I BETTER EVACUATE EVERYTHING IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!…………………………OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!?!?!?!? I BETTER EVACUATE EVERYTHING IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW!!!!……………………..OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!?!!?!!!?…………………


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