If Looks Could Kill…


Imagine if I made our whole family wear these. This is called the "Family Matching Easter Bunny Pajama Set." I'm picturing Dave in these, and laughing my ass off.

…I’d be lying in a bloody pile in the kitchen right now.

I would not allow Gabby to go to school in Cameron’s old swimming shirt and a size 4T skort, is what I did to get the death glare treatment. I told her to change and then I went to the gym, and when I returned she was still wearing it. I said, “Gabby, why haven’t you changed?” and Dave said, “What?! I asked you if Mom was letting you wear that to school!” Which earned us a Gabby Guilty Face: clearly she had been betting that I wouldn’t return before it was time for school.

The consequence for outfit BS like what I described above is that I get to pick out her clothes. Believe me when I say, this is the worst punishment I could possibly dole out. I don’t know if any of you are aware, but I apparently have no sense of style, do not know which pieces go together, can’t match my colors, and generally make anyone I try to style look like a jackass. So I chose a little minidress with leggings. She couldn’t believe I was doing this to her: “What? This?!” she said in disbelief [N.B. Gabby herself has chosen this very outfit time and again]. She put them on as though they were covered in anthrax and sat in her room, alone and inconsolable, until I drove her to school. And the whole way there, she tried to crush my skull through osmosis. I barely survived.

Although I am reconsidering my survival right now: Addie J has been making some trail of something from the art table to my chair, shouting, “Don’t wook, Mommy!  Do NOT wook!” every ten seconds. I should have looked, but I foolishly did not. She deviated from the don’t-look monologue only to give me elaborate directions on what to look at instead (hint: the computer has never been on that list, so this post has taken me a looooooong time), and just now she shouted from the art table, “Mom! How do you spell ‘Fuzzy, it’s time for you to wook! But don’t get mad that I stuck all those stickers on the floor!’ ”

So, now I need to know how to get those puffy stickers off the floor.

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