Accident-Prone

My three kids, unfortunately, are accident-prone. I could blame it on their dad, who once knocked an entire bowl of cereal and milk all over the interior of our car, in summertime…. but then, I did accidentally perform the splits in front of a line of cars in New Orleans years ago (but the streets are made with crushed seashells!!! True story!!! They’re stupid slick!!!!!). So, really, it could be either of us– although, honestly: who tries to get into a car with a bowl of cereal? –but that’s another story altogether. Anyway, of the three kids, Cameron has the most spectacularly crazazy accidents. Here’s a list of some of the more memorable ones:

1. Just standing in my mom’s family room, suddenly somehow falls against the brick hearth. Tally: 6 stitches to the back of the head.

2. Using a butter knife at a pizza place, somehow gashes open his ring finger. Seriously. Think of the knives they give you to cut your pizza, which can’t even cut pizza– the kid sliced himself right open. Tally: 4 stitches.

3. Over the space of one week, hits the exact same spot on his forehead against 1. the toilet; 2. the corner of the doorframe; and 3. the corner of his dresser. Tally: scar on right side of forehead.

4. Playing Candyland with Gabby, as God is my witness: somehow trips, stumbles forward at top speed and cracks his head on the wall. Later on he begins vomiting and complaining about blurred vision. Tally: 1 CT scan and hopefully not too many brain cells.

….and then there’s this afternoon. I had just pulled the car into the garage and was walking around it to get Addie, when WHAM!!!!!! A huge thud came from within the van. I thought one of the kids had exploded or something. When I looked in, the girls were solemnly regarding Cameron, who was crying with both hands clapped to the back of his head. Somehow, he cracked his melon on the roof of the van. (Those of you with vans, try to puzzle that one out for me because I can’t make the physics work. One 7-year-old boy who has about 6″ of clearance while standing upright in the van, somehow knocks himself silly in the BACK of the head??) Tally: he appears to have a slight case of whiplash.

You know, I’m remembering back to the time Dave was drying a knife and sliced his thumb wide open. (Then, he wrapped it tightly in a dishtowel and refused to let me see it for about a minute and a half; I think he was trying to turn back time with the power of his will. But I digress..) Considering that the only stitches I’ve had in my life are directly related to childbirth, I’m inclined to start blaming Dave for Cameron’s propensity for bizarre injuries.

But then, I did once knock myself out cold, falling down a brick staircase. So, frankly, maybe it’s my mom. The next time you see her, ask her about the time she took out an entire floor display of ceramic mugs and gave her chin a rugburn, hitting the floor. Yep– it’s not me they get it from. It’s definitely my mom.


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