Complex Morning Negotiations

Cam left early this morning for a daylong soccer camp. I woke him about forty minutes before he had to leave and he said, rolling over, “I can’t get up yet. It’s not possible.” Not long before he left, he was sitting at the kitchen table, finishing his breakfast, barefoot. I remarked, “Do you think you should be wearing your shoes?” And he rolled his eyes and sighed. “Obviously, Mom,” he replied… then, in response to my attempt to kill him with my Look of Doom, he added, “…But I appreciate your asking.” Sure. Sure he did.

Left to her own devices, Gabby would be up with the sun. She’s always been this way. These days we have a rule that she must stay in bed until 7:30 in the am. However, since her brother was out the door by 7:00, she took that opportunity to hop brightly down the stairs as soon as the door closed behind him. “Hi, Mommy!!” she said. “Good morning!! Where’s Captain Ticks? I want to take him outside. And also I wanted to show you something that I was thinking about last night. I was wondering if baby birds try to find something soft to land on, when they’re learning to fly and if they fall down? Like could baby bunnies hop around on the ground and be there like a mattress? Like this. Watch: like this. –Plus when I woke up this morning, I was also thinking about my scores from this weekend, and I was wondering whether you talked to Ms. Eilish yet? So I thought I would ask you when I had the chance. And I guess now is my chance. But before you tell me that, I was also thinking…….” The barrage of words went on and on. Clearly she was not going to go back upstairs. 

Finally, the J stood in front of me, teary-eyed. She had scratched a pair of mosquito bites into bleeding craters. Because they are on her feet, she felt that she could not walk, and therefore I should carry her from place to place for the rest of the day. Also she wanted donuts. And as a coup de grace, she knocked over my coffee.

I looked at the clock: it was 7:13am.

Sometimes I think: if I were the Queen of England, I could summon the royal nanny.


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