Ways That I Suck Today:

[Important: these examples have been either strongly implied, or straight-out told to me, by my three children, all prior to 7:15 this morning. Evidently, I began sucking really early this morning.]

  1. Made Cam go to school THIRTY MINUTES EARLY YOU MUST BE JOKING to take a quiz he missed.
  2. Refused to allow Gabby to wear a shirt that she spackled heavily with puffy paint– because even though she created this mess work of art yesterday afternoon, the paint is still quite tacky. (In more ways than one HAHAHAHA Gabby hates me.)
  3. Woke up the J when she “still needed more sleep for her feet.” Insisted that, if she was cold, clothing would solve the problem better than wrapping a dishtowel around her shoulders.
  4. Spoke the following words: “Get your stuffed animals away from my wine.*
  5. Made lasagna for dinner tonight. May I repeat that this is a NEGATIVE ACTION on my part, to which I say, “Whose children are you?!?!”

So, I am failing at all things parental this morning. Gabby told me I could always think about things (“mostly the lasagna for now,” she said) and try again later today.

*Gabby and Addie J feel that they must place Moobert (Gabby’s stuffed cow) and Black Stripe (Addie’s tiger) into increasingly bizarre locations so that they can nap throughout the day, while the girls are at school. For awhile, I kept finding them tucked into bowls with bunches of bananas; recently they seem to have decided that their animals rest well when placed lovingly around a bottle of wine. For the record: the wine in this particular example was an unopened bottle.

 

 


    4 comments to Ways That I Suck Today:

    • Unopened for now, but maybe not by the time the animals are done with their nap.

    • Can I come to your house for lasagna? I like lasagna…

    • Is that really all there is to it because that’d be fleitargasbbng.

    • I made the mistake of reading some of the comments, too, and although I think I gave up well before any trolls started posting, it seemed like a lot of folks didn’t even read the article. Either that, or they have the reading comprehension skills of an anthill. That “men and women are just DIFFERENT because science!” nonsense is so tiring. Pop psychology has a lot to answer for.My teenage brother lasted five days in EVE, even though he found the game really interesting. I’m not touching it with a barge pole.

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