Gratitude Tuesday

camSort of like Taco Tuesday, only with fewer tacos.

Gabby is still reading the seemingly-endless Warrior Cats books, and she frequently stops reading to tell me something about the plotline. I can never follow which cats are which– they all seem to have the same damn name, Shadowpelt or Fireclaw or whatever– and I don’t really care about the cats. But I always listen, and engage, and respond, because I never want her to think that I’m not interested in what she has to say. Same with the J– sometimes, I have to tell the J to stop talking and let someone else talk to me. My girls are chatterboxes, and they tell me lots of stuff, and I make a point of listening. Because today it’s cats and Jump Rope for Heart donations (shout out, everyone who donated to Addie’s campaign! She’s so happy). Tomorrow it might be something way more long-term important. In any event: the girls? The girls are still young. They’re still thoroughly mine.

My son, though; he’s a teenager, strong and lean and taller than I. He’s an entirely different animal. Except.. after Gabby told me her story this morning, Cammy showed me some silly little meme on his phone. And I laughed, not because it was funny, but because I appreciated that he wanted to show me. Then, after he left for school, I got a text from him about something else. Just random, innocuous. And, looking at my phone, I was suddenly filled with gratitude. So grateful that my beautiful boy, who is a teenager now, strong and lean and taller than I, still wants to show me stupid memes that he finds. That beautiful boy who taught me how to be the mother of an infant, and later the mother of a little kid– and now, how to be the mother of a teen. I know how easy it would be for him to slip out of my death clutch¬†grasp, as he starts to move away from Dave and me and toward his future, just a teeny bit forward every day. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’ll be totally honest: I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. I’ve never done this before, you see. I’m winging it, every day. And as my oldest kid, Cam is my guinea pig.

So, when he sends me a text that says, “I can’t wait,” and I know what he’s talking about– I interpret that to mean, “So far, you’re doing okay, Mom.” And I’m filled with gratitude.

Check back tomorrow though. Who knows.

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